Job Interview

by Boring as Heck

Hey – Stefan, right? Come on in. Take a seat. Coffee? Tea? Oh, “you’re good?” Haha, let’s hold off on saying that until after the interview! Just messing around.

How was the drive over? Great, that’s great.

You sure you don’t want something to drink? No?

Well, Stefan, I’m definitely intrigued by the first couple of shirt ideas I’ve seen. This website is called EffedUpTees.com for a reason, and I’m really hoping you’ll be able to meet – hell, surpass – my expectations.

Let’s take a look at some of your designs.

• The Words “IT’S SUPER BIG” Above An Arrow Pointing Downwards

Classic stuff. I think this is the first one you sent me. Love it. It’s simple, and yet mysterious. What’s super big? Follow the arrow to find out.

• A Dog In Sunglasses Drinking A Beer While Flipping The Middle Finger

Wonderful. The dog is cool, but it’s also messed up, because it’s drinking a beer and flipping the bird. People will enjoy this because dogs don’t normally do that.

• Grumpy Cat as Che Guevara

Nicely done. Combining something timeless with something that’s not as well known, like Che, is a winning strategy.

• Hitler Sucking His Own Dick

This… well, I never thought I’d say this, but maybe there is such a thing as too Effed Up. Keep in mind our target demographic: fathers with neck tattoos and teens who use fireworks year-round.

• Hitler Sucking Grumpy Cat’s Dick

First of all, Grumpy Cat is a girl. I know, right? Seriously though, maybe try and move away from the whole “Hitler/oral sex” thing. Expand your horizons.

• Chewbacca Smoking Weed

Now this… this has the makings of one Effed Up Tee. Did they even have weed in the Star Wars movies? Who cares. It’s funny. Boom. T shirt.

• Grumpy Cat Sucking Hitler’s Dick

Okay. Again, I understand what it’s like to get stuck in a rut. Don’t be discouraged. Let’s see what else you’ve got.

• An Alien With A Boner Above The Words “Area 69″

Fantastic. Simple, yet elegant. I like how you replaced 51 with 69.

• Speech Bubble: “My Dick? It’s Gluten Free”

You have a gift. Gluten Free is a popular thing to make fun of right now. People will see it on a shirt and say, “That shirt has topical humor on it. I want one.”

• Charles Manson With A Dick Tattooed On His Forehead

Excellent. We could definitely sell this under the Vintage category. The teens might not know who Charles Manson is, but they love dicks.

• An Angry Bird Taking A Crap. Caption: Angry Turds.

Sublime. The words sound the same, and it’s about a game you play on your phone. Lots of people have phones, and find turds funny. I’m loving what I’m seeing. I’d say this is basically a done dea-

• Hitler Shitting Grumpy Cat Out Of His Ass. Grumpy Cat Is Sucking A Miniature Hitler’s Dick. The Mini Hitler Has Diarrhea. The Big Hitler Also Has Diarrhea. And Also So Does Grumpy Cat.

I uh…

• Grumpy Cat Is Doing The Troll Face Too But You Can Still Tell It’s Grumpy Cat. The Diarrhea Has Corn In It.

Well I mean-

• Big Hitler’s Penis Is Flapping Around (It Has Those Little Motion Lines). It’s Squirting Out Piss Everywhere And A Bunch Of Kids Are Drinking It. Mini Hitler Is Giving The Thumbs-Up.

We’ll uh… we’ll get back to you.