Donald Trump Press Release
by Boring as Heck
July 14, 2015
DONALD J. TRUMP on RECENT MCDONALD’S INCIDENT
The press had a field day with regards to a recent incident involving me and the fast food restaurant McDonald’s. Yes, I was recently in a Manhattan McDonald’s, attempting to purchase breakfast. Yes, it was 10:35 in the morning. Yes, I became incensed, as is my right as an American. But are you telling me that this multi-billion-dollar restaurant can’t make me an Egg McMuffin five minutes past the supposed cutoff time? Really? I met Ray Kroc once, back in 1982. He was a smart businessman. This isn’t what he would have wanted, and I know that for a fact.
To be honest, I don’t even care. My personal chef can make me a breakfast sandwich one billion times as good as your Egg McMuffin, which is an incredibly stupid name for a sandwich. It sounds more like a muffin than a sandwich. Again, I am extremely successful. To me, it’s like, whatever. Who cares. I’m not mad about this at all. I own several towers. If I owned a fast food franchise, it would serve breakfast all day. That’s a Trump Promise.
Headlines all over the world blared “Trump’s McDonald’s Meltdown,” or “Billionaire Mogul Donald Trump Cries In McDonald’s Bathroom,” or “VIDEO: Donald Trump Apparently Thinks Hash Browns Are Made Of Chicken.” The media has made a big deal about all of this, but it’s a bunch of hogwash. I know what hash browns are made out of. I have a casino with my name on it. Illegal immigration is the biggest problem facing America today. But the second biggest is McDonald’s archaic breakfast policy.