Boring As Heck

Before I knew what weed was I thought all the cool kids were gesturing to each other about sucking tiny rat dicks behind the school.

— ceej (@ceejoyner) October 2, 2012

Hey kid…catch
*Lebron tosses kid his headband*
*Kid tosses it back*
Keep it. You ol barbershop ass corn cob pipe lookin ass motherfucker

— Crying Man (@BronzeHammer) June 19, 2013

i resemble sports illustrated in that im worthless and i have swimsuit issues

— bug_deal (@bug_deal) October 20, 2010

dudes with chain wallets are hella tough. like you cant even take their wallet. its attached to a chain

— ret (@rad_milk) August 7, 2012

another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

— wint (@dril) February 20, 2012

As a kid I wasn't so much "straight" or "gay" as I was "aroused by that scene in Charlotte's Web when Templeton eats garbage at the fair"

— Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) July 24, 2012

my superpower is the ability to superheat my legs. it makes my kicks hurt enemys like 3% more. it's uncomfortable and i hate my hot legs

— Big-Tity Honker's (@BikiniBabeLover) February 26, 2012

*crests a hill* hey dudes

— deg (@degg) November 10, 2012

Comment on every picture of someone's dog, "What is this"

— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) April 24, 2013

Being an ironic peace of shit. Now thats paper. Getting faved by a Net Girl *in slowed down voice* Now thats paper

— leh0n (@leh0n) August 10, 2012

You call this a "hint" of lime you fucking fascist? This is a fucking book of revelations of lime. #Tostitos

— DVS (@DVSblast) January 8, 2012

Shouldn't there have been ONE scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 10, 2013

YOUR LONG HAIRED 5-YEAR-OLD SON IS SO UNIQUE, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) July 4, 2013

*leans into taco bell drive thru mic* The world is a vampire

— sega juice (@dry_hugs) December 18, 2012

Hey "Vegan's": If you love animals so much, why do you keep eating all there food? Also, why dont you marry it? Bitch

— Big-Tity Honker's (@BikiniBabeLover) October 28, 2012

Dylan owns 6 swords. To calculate how often Dylan has had sex, multiply the number of swords he owns by the number zero

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) November 17, 2012

lacan once said 'the very foundation of interhuman discourse is misunderstanding.' what the hell is that supposed to mean you french fag

— brendle (@brendlewhat) November 21, 2009

I am going to buy a pug and put it in a puffy jacket and teach it to say "babygirl" to me whenever I am feeling bad

— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) March 8, 2012

Star Wars Episode 7? What’s next, Star Wars Episode 8???

— bug_deal (@bug_deal) November 4, 2012

Hey John Arbuckle,big fan. 2 quick Q's: 1.Where the fuck is your nose u shitheel idiot? 2.u know your cat is in the newspaper?

— DVS (@DVSblast) September 30, 2011

at one point, every man named Gary was a baby and was introduced by his parents as "This is my baby, Gary" how fucked up is that shit

— Cool Pond (@cool_pond) December 11, 2012

this ikea colouring book that came with my bed is pretty boring. it's just a bunch of pictures of partially built beds.

— bups 🌪️ (@_buupy) June 12, 2011

*granpa walks in living room wearing Hitler outfit* bet you kids thought your old Gramps never heard of irony huh [kids start cheering ]

— we (@kanwetwitty) March 16, 2012

Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever.

— rob fee (@robfee) March 29, 2013

the whole neigjborhood is outside in the street crazy yelling because guy across the street managed to flush a basketball down the toilet.

— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) July 28, 2013

you can't expect me to live my life like this. it's like asking an ice road trucker to truck across a normal road

— sskylark (@sskylark) November 19, 2011

*rolls down my window and yells at black person on the sidewalk* Yo..Rap is some good ass shit!!!

— leh0n (@leh0n) April 14, 2012

(board meeting ) how about, Windows: WILLennium Edition. … [will smith and dancers are heard mistakenly making entrance across the hall]

— Dog poop (@Lowenaffchen) November 19, 2011