Boring As Heck

Note: Darryl Darren, if you’re reading this, it’s a joke. It’s not a real thing. Do not attempt to contact a university official. Do not email yourself and ask if you wrote these tweets. These are not real tweets. It’s fake. It’s a parody. 

@darrenrovell: $24 to get into 9/11 Memorial Museum. $9.11 would make more sense. That’s the date the terrorist attacks took place.

@darrenrovell: 9/11 rescue workers receive free entry to the museum. I did not receive a discount despite my nearly 500,000 Twitter followers.

@darrenrovell: Man standing next to me in “Remembering the Children of 9/11” exhibit is wearing hilarious Mark Sanchez t-shirt.

@darrenrovell: The museum is hemmed in by a grove of 400 oak trees. Asked our tour guide the minimum amount of trees required to constitute a grove. He said he’d get back to me.

@darrenrovell: Female museum staff members averaging a 7/10. About what I expected. Attractive, but not distractingly so.

@darrenrovell: No Baja Blast in museum cafeteria soda fountains. Disappointing.

@darrenrovell: Designer of 9/11 memorial ribbon made an excellent choice going with red, white, and blue.

@darrenrovell: Common mistake: It’s “The Pet Goat,” not “My Pet Goat.” Sales of the book shot up 176% in the months following the terrorist attacks.

@darrenrovell: I will never fail to be impressed by the sheer courage it took to postpone a full week’s slate of regular season NFL games.

@darrenrovell: Interesting fact: 9 divided by 11 is 0.81818181818. (H/T @fart_gun)

@darrenrovell: No exhibit dedicated to the yearly memorial tweets of multinational brands. I will have to imagine the tweets in my head. Nice one, Cheerios. Good job, Applebees.

@darrenrovell: 2,606 people died during the collapse of the World Trade Center. That’s nearly 218 times more people than the average NBA roster.

@darrenrovell: 9/11 gift shop a major faux pas. Museum design doesn’t force you to exit through it.

@darrenrovell: Just remembered the Budweiser commercial where the Clydesdales kneel in front of the New York skyline. Fun fact: those horses were all computer generated.

@darrenrovell: 9/11 Memorial Museum a somber, sobering experience. I now truly understand the sacrifices made by those brave few. Never forget.

@darrenrovell: Minor league baseball team to hold Kanye/Kim wedding night promotion. (H/T @greg_147)